Well, it’s been almost 2 months since my last post, when I ran my marathon. So, I thought it was time to write again, mainly because my friend Pattie once again inspires me to light a small fire underneath me.

The sad truth, as can be seen sprinkled throughout my posts over the last 3 years, is that life, once again, has gotten in the way. This time, over the last six months, though, for entirely different reasons. Starting back in May, I graduated (dealing with finals, capstone, etc.) , I left a job I had for 10 years, I started a new job, I traveled to visit my brother and a friend of mine, I moved from a place I lived for 6 years, and that was all in a 4 week period. The summer was alright, but transitioning through all of these things was a bit difficult and at the end of summer, I changed a few things that dramatically altered my life and future. I’m not going to discuss that so much, but reflect on the stressors of life and how to maintain some semblance of a fit lifestyle.

It hasn’t been all bad. I have still been weight training twice a week, which honestly is the single thing that has kept me hinged to fitness. For that, I am thankful. I stopped running a few weeks after my marathon, cold running is not for me, despite what all my runner friends say. I haven’t been to CrossFit in quite some time (but I packed my bags to go tomorrow morning, hoping this is a reinspiration). In some ways, it feels like these challenges are here to test my limits; my 3 year healthiversary is coming up and a lot of statistics I have seen have shown that most people do not keep their weight off longer than three years. This week is my 100 lbs. lost anniversary, but I have been losing for 3 years, so to get past this and into summer without slipping more than I have is my primary goal. My knee injury persists, I really need to get an x-ray, there is something wrong with it.

The point here is that most people do not think that losing weight and staying healthy will be easy; and they are right, it is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. But, the hard thing is to maintain a lifestyle after the hullaballoo (holy , I spelled that right on the first go). When the cheering squad dies down and you are just the new you as the normal you, how do you integrate all of these things back into your life and make yourself happy with them. I have been asking myself why fitness hasn’t been making me happy like it used to. Part of it is the stressors I have been going through, which, if you have experience with any kind of personal transformation, it isn’t about the thing you are trying to alleviate (i.e. losing weight, normally you are burying something behind that; not caring for yourself). It’s been difficult because these life transitions carry their own weight aside from the weight of trying to stay healthy; not using food as a cure for stress has been the most difficult thing I have had to deal with lately. I did intermittent fasting for a few weeks, which helped get some of my hunger under control, but then that fell to the side when life got stressful again. Stress is a contaminate that pulls your focus. Like a virus, it spreads, it overtakes your mind, your emotions, makes you feel fat, lazy, and not like the badass you once felt like. A rhizome of fear, doubt, and lackluster create a void in the things you once felt so strongly about. But contaminations can be cleaned. They may be dirty, they may be difficult to contain, but you have to throw away the bad and refill with the good stuff.

The point I am trying to make is that life is going to happen whether I (or you) go to the gym or sit on the couch and do nothing. Whether you are fulfilled by your job, relationship, financial situation, health, or any other aspect of your life, the only person that you answer to is yourself. The only one who looks back in the mirror is you, and the only person who know how hard you did or did not try is you.

To commit to yourself, your health, above all else (new relationships, pot lucks, holidays, whatever) is one of the single hardest things you will do.

So, I write this to give try to recommit to myself, the cause I started almost 3 years ago, and try to become a better version of myself. Remembering that I can only control the things that I do, how I react, what I put in my body, how I spend my time, and who I surround myself with. These are all factors that contribute to our mental, emotional, and physical health.

It is December 3rd. In less than one month, we will all be throwing on our new years resolutions. I think I have some pretty big things to put out there, but do not wait for January 1st, the most arbitrary date to care about yourself. I am going to go to CrossFit tomorrow and I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and indulging in unhappiness, focus on the positive, and make my 3 year something to be proud of.