You may notice a new link at the top of the page – “Leveling up my future.” The reference is to’s metaphor of life as a video game. As a long time video-gamer, I have spent countless hours in virtual worlds, leveling up and questing with Link and Cloud, and I spent 26 of my life neglecting to level myself up. In video games, we go to distant lands, conquer arduous journeys, and gain experience. I still love video games, but I put more effort into creating a virtual character that is badass without focusing on leveling up my own skills. I have changed that! Now, I am not going to actually give myself experience points (at least not yet), but Steve at NF has a list of things that he gives himself experience points for when things are crossed out. Similar notion. I will be adding to the list over time, and I will update the blog when I complete one of these goals!

Today, after 1 week of insanity, I am feeling great about what my future holds. I had gained a few pounds this week, which I will attribute to muscle development (I am noticing a considerable change in my strength!), and the numbers on the scale will certainly not reflect this journey in an accurate way as I try to develop muscle to shave off the rest of the fat and get fit. When I started this journey, gaining muscle was not even 1% in my mind – to even think I could possible have muscles was ridiculous, but when you can actually feel the bones you have in your body after layers and layers and layers of fat have shed from the tissue and burying all hope for a fit body, you would never think those things are possible. After 1 week of insanity, and only 54 more days to go, I can tell that my body will certainly look a lot different. I may not have a beach body yet, but after that, I plan to hit the weight training rather seriously. There is nothing holding us back from our futures, except ourselves, and I lived my life for so long, not even REALIZING that I could be fit or healthy. Kind of feels like I was in a daze, staring at a television of snowy broadcast for so many years.

Well, one of those goals I had was to be at a healthy BMI, and I already have toted my critiques about BMI, but it is one benchmark of health. Since I did gain that muscle (I had been down into healthy back and forth for a bit), but I figure today was far enough under to say it was official. I was at 176 exactly (the top tier of healthy for me is right around 176.5 – 178ish). Of course that can still fluctuate, but as I gain muscle, I know I may not hit that again, which may make the 100 lb. weight loss goal unobtainable, but going to keep on the path I am on, if 100 doesn’t happen because I am getting a fitter body, so be it!

I have never been healthy in my life (aside from maybe when I was 8, even then, I probably wasn’t). Surreal is one of the only words that can be used. I feel grateful to myself for giving myself the opportunity to change my life, to comply with what my heart wanted, despite the trials and tribulations along the way, despite the temptations, the days I didn’t want to do a damned thing, but that I dug deep within myself and found what I needed to get my life on track. Talking about weight loss can feel pretty victorious and serious at times, but I know when I stepped on that scale a year and a half ago, I was scared for my life. I saw a future of diabetes, heart failure, self-loathing, and stasis for a very long time.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt generally happy, and my weight was one of the only things I felt I really needed to get under control, which is why I stepped into the gym, but at almost 270 lbs. and obese, that switch was soon flipped. I didn’t realize how asleep I really was, and how alive I feel now. To not live in fear of doing things because I feel like I will fail at them (I had failed at weight loss before as well). I would never what gone white water rafting on my own, started going to fitness skate and learn how to rollerskate, run near 100 miles in 6 months, or want to do all of the things on my list below, and truly believe that I could do them. Do I still get anxiety about these things, of course, but the habit of doing it regardless because we only live once, has set in, and I want a life filled with adventure, activity, experiences, meeting new people, and having fun. My other goals have always been so set in place, education and helping people, and I am just happy that those goals can only be enriched by living a fuller life myself. Life feels limitless.

I am happy.


The future? What does it hold, where will it bring us? How will we get there? What will aid us in our journey? How will we be defined by the moments leading up to our successes and failures? All of these questions should be asked of ourselves. We owe ourselves a life fulfilled, not one sitting down and taking life as it comes for them, but rather being a pathfinder and exploring their own destination. I say that with the utmost confidence because I used to be that person who was just living in the laze, going through the motions, and not living life to it’s fullest. The story of that journey is found in the “All My Progress” page, but I wanted a page dedicated to where I am going, it only seems appropriate to have a page dedicated to where I have been, what I am doing (the main blog), and the future. Listed below, categorically, and maybe even a little intensely are my goals for my life. I will add and subtract as time goes on, things draw closer. The spirit of this list comes from where the author of the site “levels up” his life by reaching milestones. A lot of his are travel-based, mine will be any and all. It is good to write these things out, they become tangible and realistic, or show you how outrageous you want your life to be, either way, here’s my leveling up list ::

Weight Loss Related :

  • Lose 50 lbs. 
  • Fall below obesity on the BMI scale
  • Reach Below 200 lbs.
  • Fall below overweight on the BMI scale
  • Lose 100 lbs. (Currently at 90.6 lbs.)
  • Be at 20% body fat
  • Be at 15% body fat

Fitness Related :

  • Run my first 5k
  • Run my first 10k
  • Run my first Half Marathon (Registered for 9/23/12)
  • Run my first Marathon
  • Do A Triathalon
  • Climb Mount Katahdin
  • Climb Cadillac Mountain
  • Do 60 days of insanity
  • Run 200 miles by the end of 2012 (84.6 currently)

Skill Related : 

  • Learn to ride a bike
  • Learn to swim better
  • SCUBA dive
  • Learn to rollerskate (still improving, but the basics are there)
  • Learn Archery
  • Learn to snowboard

Life Related :

  • Visit Hawaii, climb a volcano, and learn to surf
  • Visit France, eat crepes, and visit the Eiffel Tower
  • Take a road trip from ME to the west coast
  •      Visit Centralia on the way
  • Go on a cruise to a tropical paradise
  • Get my own rollerskates
  • See 10 of my favorite bands that I haven’t seen in concert
  • Learn to enjoy at least one vegetable
  • White water raft in class V rapids
  • Feel comfortable being shirtless at a beach
  • Zipline
  • Visit Quebec for the winter festival
  • Beat my brother at racquetball
  • Take voice lessons
  • Learn to play an instrument
  • Make an inspiring short film
  • Visit Sweden and see one of my many favorite Swedish bands

I will be updating this list on a monthly basis to add things. I most likely will not delete anything, if, for some reason, any of these become impossible, I will italicize them, and will cross them off as they happen (and will probably post a blog relating to it)