It’s been a a bit since my last post. Mostly, there has not been a lot to update on. The ‘drag’ I have been in has continued as winter snows down, my knee feels as if it will never heal, and my eating behavior is less than ideal. Getting through it has been a tough battle for sure, but, despite all that has been going on, I have tried staying fighting through the demotivation, injury, and feeling like I am on a downward curve. 

Even though this has been going on, I have been going to all of my weight training sessions. One of my goals for this year was to weight train for 2x’s a week at least, and I have been keeping up with this goal since I hired a trainer at CrossFit Bangor to help me get the ball rolling. Today was the end of my first month, and it has been great. Even though I feel as if my fitness journey has been lost in the mist lately, weight training is the one thing I have not given up on and has made me feel great. After a month of programming, here are my results

I went from not being able to do a dead pullup (their bars are a lot higher, even though I was at about 5 at my other gym, but those are a bit lower and have different grips / holds), to 3. My mobility increased (mostly my wall squat has improved), 49 pushups to 75, 75 situps to 100

Major Lifts :

Back Squat :  135 to 165
Push Press : 70 to 80
Deadlift : 145 to 175
Bench : 90 to 115

So in just a month, I brought my improvements up by 30, 10, 30, and 25. 

Although I don’t neccesarily feel incredibly strong yet, to see strength improvements is great for me. Even though my entire weight loss journey, feeling strong (physically), has never been a captivating feature. I cannot wait for where I will be in several months once I start kicking it into gear, my knee is healed, spring is here (and I start running again!), and generally life just is in a different place. 

The last week has actually been pretty good, the sun has been out, I feel my knee feeling a little less tight, eating a bit better, and I have been able to flush out some of the negative emotions I have been feeling. 

I don’t think I ever took my progress for granted, but I guess I did not realize exactly how much tougher it could get after some of the strides I have made over the last two years. Never get too comfortable with the fact that you have “made it”. Take each day as a new step in the right direction because if you get turned around with enough perpetual force, things could go bad. I know had the last two months been a little different, I could have been a little further in my progress towards my goals, but life does happen and often it happens not in the way that you think it is going to. The best you can do is stay on the right path, even if you have to slowly walk on it.

The most defeating thing has been to have to bypass some of my goals. As the big cheerleader for goals as the facet of progress, it feels terrible to not meet a specific goal. I missed 3 weeks of Crossfit, which is a good 10 hours of workout time over the last month. I did return yesterday, which felt great. Of course, I am trying to take it easy on my knee, so things like burpees are out of the question. The reason I didn’t go back for so long was that I am always the person that pushes myself until the sweat is in my eyes, I am grunting, and I know I have done my best. To not be able to do that because of a physical limitation is mentally exhausting. You think that everyone is thinking you are a slacker or just phoning it in, when really you are just trying to be safe. It shouldn’t matter what others thing, but since fitness has become this new, important place in my life, I don’t want people to think that I am giving 50%. But, I got over that, did the burpees walkup style with my little knee brace. It is better to go and do something active than sit at home and do nothing, so that is what I shall do. 

I feel like I have learned a lot these last couple of months – mostly from a very negative place, but also not to take what I have done for granted. It is a lot easier to gain 100 more lbs. than it was to lose 100 lbs., so I need to remember that when I get cravings and want to binge. Every day is a new placemarker on the map, and I just have to make sure I am going forward and not backward.

So, here is to 4 more weeks of fighting, weight lifting, and pushing through the bullshit to hit my goals!